How to spot a romance scam (and what to do)

Most people you meet on a dating app are exactly who they say they are: someone hoping to meet someone. But romance scammers are out there too, and they are patient, polished and very good at making you feel special. Anybody can be targeted, whatever their age, education or experience.

The good news is that almost every romance scam follows the same pattern. Once you know it, it’s much easier to see.

The pattern

1. They move fast. Within days, they’re calling you “my wife”, “my king” or “the one”. They message all day. It feels wonderful, and that’s the point.
2. They move you somewhere else. Very early, they want to continue on WhatsApp, Telegram or another app, away from the dating app’s safety tools.
3. They can’t meet. There’s always a reason: they work on an oil rig, they’re a soldier on a mission, a doctor abroad, an engineer on contract, or simply “travelling”. Video calls never seem to work: the camera is bad, the network is poor.
4. Then comes the problem. A medical emergency. Customs fees on a parcel they sent you. A frozen bank account. A business deal that needs a little more capital. School fees. Or something small, like airtime, data or transport fare to come and see you.
5. Then comes the request. They ask for money, or for you to receive money for them, or to “invest” with them.

Sometimes the order changes. Sometimes it’s an investment pitch from the start: forex, crypto or a “guaranteed” business. But the ending is always the same: money leaves your account.

Warning signs

Be careful if someone:

• tells you they love you before you have met;
• avoids video calls, or the video always cuts out;
• has photos that look like a model shoot, or that don’t quite match what they tell you;
• tells stories that change, or gets details wrong about where they live or work;
• asks you to keep your relationship secret from family and friends;
• asks for money, gift cards, airtime, cryptocurrency or bank details, for any reason;
• asks you to receive or move money for them (this can make you part of a crime);
• pushes you to send intimate photos or videos.

Sextortion: a scam that uses shame

A growing type of scam starts with flirting and ends with a threat. The scammer encourages you to share intimate photos or go on a video call, records it, then demands money, saying they will send the images to your family, your colleagues or your church.

If this happens to you:

• Don’t pay. Paying almost never ends it; it usually leads to more demands.
• Stop replying, but don’t delete the conversation yet.
• Keep the evidence: screenshots of the messages, the profile, usernames and any account numbers they gave you.
• Report them to us and to the police.
• Talk to someone you trust. You are the victim of a crime. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

How Amara helps

We built some of our safety features with these exact scams in mind:

• Verified badges. Members can take a live video selfie that is checked against their photos, and those who pass get a verified badge. That check is hard to pass with stolen pictures, so look out for the badge, and take extra care with anyone who keeps avoiding a video call.
• Contact details unlock later. Phone numbers, links and social handles can’t be shared in chat until you have each sent 3 messages, and profile text can’t contain them at all. This slows down the “let’s move to WhatsApp” step.
• Money requests get a warning. If a message looks like it is asking for money, transfers, account numbers, gift cards or crypto, you see a warning on it. Repeated money talk is sent to our moderation team.
• Reports are reviewed by people, and accounts that scam are banned. We keep a protected record of banned accounts so they can’t simply sign up again.

No automatic check is perfect, so your instincts matter as much as ours.

What to do if something feels wrong

1. Don’t send money. Not a little, not “just this once”, not airtime. Someone who really cares about you will understand.
2. Report them in the app. Open their profile or your chat, tap the menu, choose Report and pick Asked me for money or Fake profile or scam. Reporting also blocks them for you and keeps a copy of your conversation for our team.
3. Talk to someone. Scammers rely on secrecy. Telling a friend or family member often makes things clearer straight away.

If you have already sent money

It happens to smart, careful people. What matters now is acting quickly:

1. Call your bank immediately using the number on your card or the bank’s official website. Tell them the transfer was fraudulent and ask them to try to stop or recall it.
2. Stop all contact, and don’t send anything more, even if they promise to pay you back, or someone appears offering to “recover” your money for a fee. That is usually a second scam.
3. Keep everything: screenshots, account numbers, transaction receipts, phone numbers and usernames.
4. Report it to the Nigeria Police Force or the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC), and to us in the app so we can stop the account reaching anyone else.

The one rule to remember

Never send money to someone you have only met online. If you remember nothing else from this article, remember that.

If you’re ever unsure, report and ask us. We’d much rather look at a report that turns out to be nothing than miss one that matters.